Post 25

You were the reason I was happy yesterday. However, I felt that our conversation yesterday was not 100% honest. I felt that there were things you were avoiding from telling me. But, I'll respect you for your choice of not telling me. I'll choose to be positive and believe that you are doing it to keep me from being hurt, regardless of the fact that I'm hurt already anyway.

Post 24

I'm not good at writing happy emotions. I have lost the ability to write happy moments. I forgot how it felt like to be happy, but today. I am happy. I thought I lost you, I really did. I cried the whole night. My heart broke into many more pieces as each calls entered voice mail.
It all changed when I got your text. My frown turned into a smile. My tearing heart leap for joy. All I wanted to do was to hear your voice but you said cousin nearby. So back to texting it is. Oh dear, you really made my day. You, are the reason that I'm happy today. Thanks dear! 😘😘😘

Post 23

Every time I come to realisation of this feeling, my heart will shatter. Every single time. I lose count the number of time my heart has shatter. It's like a cycle that never ends. The feeling of brokenness, sadness, pain and despair all at the same time happening again and again and again. Repeating itself over and over and over again. The reason is simple, it's because of my love for you. The realisation that you will never be mine and you will always, yes always choose the other.

My friend advice to me was 'When it's over, leave. Don't continue watering a dead flower'. I was crying so hard over the phone in December 2015 when my friend told me that. Due to that one line, I decided to stop texting you everyday. I limited my visit to twitter once a month. I decided to treat you as a NORMAL FRIEND.

Guess what? It didn't happen. I still love you as usual and even more actually.

All I can say to my friend today is 'I stopped watering but the flower is still growing'.

I'm still crazily in love with you and I know that you don't care.

Post 22

All I wanted to do when I saw you was to give you a long hug. Instead, I look straight a head and gave a fake smile. I really don't know how to react in front of you. I...... felt that I hurt you, maybe you felt that I was cold towards you, but I really do not know what to do or say when I saw you. All I know is that I really wanted to give you a hug, but I just couldn't do it. I'm sorry.

Post 21

I dreamt about you this morning. You were about to get marry. I watched you from the building opposite the church as your were getting ready. The heartache was so real, it didn't felt like a dream. It was so painful. I took the lift down from the building and walk towards the church. I had to tell you for the last time that I love you. You were adjusting your clothes and putting the final touches to look good. I approached you, but you look sad. I asked you about the wedding, you said you don't know who you are getting married to. You have not seen the person yet. You were nervous and didn't want to get married. You told me it was just to make your family happy and that you were just doing your duty. I asked if it was the same case with your sister. Instead, you told me that your sister switched religion when she got married. I said, you cannot do this, you don't love the person you are getting married to, but you looked at me with sad eyes and said that you have no choice, you had to do it. I then asked, what about your crush? You looked at me and gave me a hug. I could feel your heartache, the brokenness, the pain, the sorrow and the sadness during the hug. Then I woke up from the dream.

The feeling of heartache and brokenness was still there from the dream. I still can feel it now and I didn't managed to say I love you before the dream ended.

Post 20

My heart breaks every time I see you in pictures with another and it hurts even more because I know that you love the one in the picture with you.

Dear God, I really need Your help to break through this feeling. God, I still don't understand the reason that it happened, I never know loving someone could be wrong,  it would hurt this much and it takes forever to heals. God, no matter how hard I tried, it doesn't seem that I'm making progress in moving on. Lord, this can't go on forever. I really need You. I really need You. Help me. Amen.

Now, I understand the sentence 'I love you that it hurts so much'. It really does hurt, it hurts from the deep bottom of my heart. No amount of tears can wipe the pain  away.

Post 19

How funny is life,  I switched on my phone with the loudest ringing tone. It is so that when your message came in, it would wake me up and I can answer it ASAP. When your message came in at 2234, I heard nothing and was deeply asleep. I was woken up by another message beeping at 0012. Disappointed. I really wanted to chat with you but I was really busy with school work in the morning and you switched off your phone the whole afternoon and evening. I was dead tired after finishing youth at 2200. Went to bed straight and hoping the message tone would wake me, it did woke me but at the wrong message and the wrong person. It was suppose to be you, but now I have to chat with this guy instead. Disappointed. We are just not meant to be.