Painful Love by A.L Tan

Crying has become my new hobby.
Crying has become my life.
Crying has replaced my silent pain.
Crying.........

The day I fear is finally here.
My heart knows it is always near.

The silence has started.
Months of conversation has stopped .
Not a reply. Just silent from you.

Maybe that's God way of saying.
Let's move on my dear.

I always have things to tell you.
I always wanted to know more about you.
But your reply is always nothing.
It breaks me every time from within.

I finally understand how mum felt,
The day dad left without saying anything.

So,  I'll just do what mum do.
Just cry my heart out when I think of you.

Maybe you were busy the days before.
So your replies were mostly okays.
It is easy for you to ignore me.
It's just hard for me, silly stupidly in love with you me.

You asked me why I love you so.
To be honest I really do not know.
I asked God every night and day.
But still there wasn't a reason that I can say.

You might be reading this one day.
Thinking how silly this woman is.
Wasting her love on me.

This time I'm again trying to let go

I apologise for,
The misery and hard times I gave to you.
For being annoying and moody.
For taking up most of your time.
For asking stupid and random questions.
For being upset for no reason.
For breaking your heart in any season.

Thank you,
For the friendship,
For having the patience with me,
For being nice and polite,
For encouraging me,
For replying my text when there's nothing to say.
For sharing your joy and sadness.
Last but not least for being my friend.

I ask that everything we have shared.
Will remain only between you and me.

There's only 4 days till it's my birthday.
There's nothing I wish for, 
only for you to love me.
I know it will never be.

I really don't wish for us to be strangers again.

You'll always be my Painful Love.