Self Destruct by A.L Tan

Today was the worst in 2015.
I felt so distant,  so far away.
I felt so abandoned,  so unwanted.

I know the reason for feeling this way.
It's all my own doing.
Thanks to over thinking.

Every late reply breaks my 💜 a bit more.
Every Okay, Okayyy, Ohokay, Ohkkay or Okaayy
Made my 💜 sank even more.

I'm not supposed to feel this way.
I told myself months ago.
That I have to let this feeling go.

I have passed the date I set to forget you.
Instead I fell deeper and harder for you.

I hate myself for this.
Why am I doing this to myself?

Why? Why? Why?
Can't I just feel nothing about you.

Feelings From You by A.L Tan

It's hard to describe this feeling.
It's pain, it's brokenness, it's misery.
It's the feeling I get from you.

I get the feeling that I'm annoying you.
I get the feeling that I'm disturbing you.
I get the feeling that I'm a burden to you.
I'm sorry but that's the feeling I'm getting from you.

I'm not sure if it's true.
I'm not sure if it's real.
I'm not sure if it's reality.
But that's the feeling I'm getting from you.

It could be me over thinking.
It could be me wondering too much.
It could be me worrying too much.
I'm sorry but that's the feeling I'm getting from you.

I wonder why I feel this way?
Maybe it's true you are tired of me?
Maybe you reply my text just to be polite?
I could be wrong, but that's the feeling I'm getting from you. 

This feeling I'm getting from you.
It breaks my heart.
It makes me feel stupid.
It gives me bad vibes.

I know I'm wrong.
Why do I get these feeling about you?

I get the feeling that you don't want to talk to me.
I get the feeling that you want me out of your life.
I'm sorry but that's the feeling I'm getting from you.

It hurts deep inside.....

Someone Not Me by A.L Tan

I turned the other way today.
Just to avoid from walking into you.

Well you realised it,
As you turned the other way,
Appearing before me again,
As I was entering the door.

Maybe it's just my own imagination.
You might not even realised,
That I turned the other way.

Well you appeared again as I entered the door,
I felt that you were looking, hoping for something more.
I didn't acknowledge your presence and entered that door.

As I emerged out from that faithful door.
I was hoping, just maybe you will still be there.
Instead it was another waiting for me there.

My eyes searched around for your face.
My ears listened for your voice.

Soon I spotted you in the other room.
Chatting away with your other friends.
You sounded happy, I wanted to be with you.

I entered that same place to be with you,
But you left the moment I entered there.
My heart stopped and I wished I wasn't there.

I left the room after you did.
Maybe you felt the earlier action I did.
As I exited from that door,
You called my name at the corridor.
My heart starts beating once more,
I turned to smile and smile at you more.

I listened to you by the corridor,
As you told me someone will only talk to you tomorrow.
I turned to that someone and rubbed the head.

You look at us as you start to say
I miss you someone,  I miss you someone,  I miss you someone.

Deep in my heart as I heard those words.
I wished that maybe that someone was me.

Brokeness by A.L Tan

I'm tired of writing poems on how I feel.
I'm tired of feeling jealous.
I'm tired of looking at you from afar.
I'm tired of peeping at you from the corners of my eyes.
I'm tired of hoping that you will love me too.

I'm heartbroken for not getting love back.
I'm heartbroken for feeling broken.
I'm heartbroken when you spent time with another.
I'm heartbroken when you long for another.
I'm heartbroken when you keep things from me but tells it to another.

I'm with a broken heart that is not tired in loving you.

Secrets by A.L Tan

It hurts.
When the one I love.
Holds secrets from me.

It hurts even more.
When the one I love.
Decides not to tell me.

It hurts a lot.

Nobody by A.L Tan

It's all my fault.
I pushed too hard.

You said no.
But I insisted to get it out.

I deserve the pain.
I deserve to be ignore.

I know.....
I don't have the rights.

No reasons are acceptable for the actions I have done.
Even if I'm doing it in the name of love.

I guess in the period of being ignored.
It made me realised, who I am to you.

As usual I'm nobody.
Nobody to you.

Fear by A.L Tan

There is always a fear in me.

The fear that you will go away.
The fear that you will ignore me.
The fear that you will hate me.
The fear that you will find me annoying.

Lesser smiles each day.
Lesser topics as time passes by.
Lesser interaction between us.
Lesser effort from both side.
               
                😊
😜
                😝
😁
                😊
😀 
                😊

That's all we might be talking about.
That's the fear, I'm fearing about.