Post 14

I set the rules. I was following the rules well. Everything was beginning to look better. The struggle was slowly but definitely moving away.

I deleted it. I deprived myself from it. I know I should not open it. It reminds me of the past, the heartache, the pain, the tears, the struggle, and the love.

I broke the rule. The rule that was set to keep me from getting hurt, I broke it. The rule that was set to help me move on, I broke it. The rule that was set to stop me from remembering the past, I broke it.

I broke the rule. I'm not suppose to read any posting from it. I'm not suppose to see any photos from it. But, I did. Yes, I did.

The pain has return, yes. The heartache has return, yes. The tears has return, definitely yes.

The love? Well, that is the only thing that remains the same. It just shows that I'm still in the same situation. I'm still in love with you.

Post 13

'Break my heart a thousand times more. I'll just return loving you even more.' - tweeted on 4th November 2015.

I mean it when I tweeted it and I still mean it now. Then again, just because it's the similar tweet doesn't mean it's for me.

How did I feel when I read the tweet?  It looks familiar. I recognised it straight away because I remember struggling to arrange the words to represent my feelings. Also, I wanted to know the reason it was tweeted, but I know I'll never get the answer to my question.

Post 12

What's wrong with me today. How come this sudden missing you feeling. Ewwww...  Get a grip...  There are tons of things to be done. I'll be soooooooo (IDK how to explain) if you were to reactivate your ***p**a* one day and read the messages I sent to you. Like I said previously, as long as you are not there, there is where all my I love you and I miss you messages goes to.

Post 11

It's weird. Did I just finish building another wall around my heart? I still feel the unwillingness to say goodbye but it's not as difficult as before. The feeling is definitely still there but it's easier to put it aside. I still feel sad that we are not meant to be and I still ask God why. However, it's easier to go on with life now. Yeah, you are still on my mind but less frequent now. Good or bad, I'm not sure. I'm glad with how we are now. A few texts once in a while is just well.

Post 10

First time a good news didn't feel good or sound good. I'm not excited for it. I'm not looking forward to it. I feel disappointed. Disappointed till the point of hatred. What am I doing? I'm not bringing any change. I felt that I'm being judge. Judge for not fitting into the standard and expectation. I don't want to be a penguin. I want to be me, I don't want to be like everyone else. Don't judge me by the way I look, I still give my all in the things I do. I'm just different in the way I do things and I still deliver the results wanted. Don't ask me to be normal, I'm tired of being normal. I don't even want to walk down the typical road everyone is taking. I know it's the right road but it's not the only right road. Just because I do things differently doesn't mean I'm not a good example. I feel judge. Being judge for being the real me. I'm tired of everything, tired of loving the unloving. Tired. Just tired with my life.

Post 9

I give up easily now I noticed. I gave up on  my new diet plan. I gave up on my thoughts. I gave up on my plans. I gave up on my students, I gave up on those I love. I hope I don't give up on my life and God. I hope. Just hope.

Post 8

I use to think that heartaches in TV shows and dramas are just an act, it's not reality. I always question the possibility for someone to be so heart broken. I didn't understand girls who would give everything for the person they love. I always think it is impossible for someone to be so in love with a person. I never understand how can a person still continue to love a person with all the flaws and pain they cause. I used to call a girl dumb and stupid for staying with a person who is obviously not treating her right. I always confront those who come to me, telling me they can't let their ex go. Now, I understand and know that it is all possible since the day I love you.